Wowza. It's been a long time and I'm not sure where to start. Since our adoption fell through here's a quick summary of what happened:
-Looked into Embryo Adoptions (still through Nightlight)
-Our sister in law had graciously offered to carry a child for us, whether it was biologically ours our adopted embryos. This we were about to do. Even had our first doctor's apt and a couple of meetings set up. Then, for whatever reason, I decided I needed a little bit more time. The main thing we learned from that experience is the love and support from our family. Michael's big brother and sister in law were full heartedly ready and willing to carry a child for us, even though that meant putting growing their family, on hold. What sweet love and blessings. Even just the offer, means more to us still than we could ever say.
From that point on, we decided we needed to pump the brakes. We wanted to give our hearts a chance to heal before jumping into another big decision. We needed to take the opportunity to really pray about what option God wanted us to follow. He had blessed us with so many choices, we just weren't sure which one to take. Mostly though, we just needed a chance to breathe. We wanted the opportunity to get refocused on our wonderful life and enjoy it. So, we decided to wait until after the holidays and new year to make any decision.
Then, beautifully, the decision was made for us.
A little back story. We spent thousands and thousands of dollars on infertility treatments, only to be told time and time again that it just isn't happening. Tons of appointments, medications, shots, MORE shots, ultra sounds, etc. Only to realize that we just weren't going to get pregnant.
Or so, we thought.
During our 'break' we really didn't talk much about babies, compared to the usual. We were focused on other great things. I went back to school, Michael worked hard and got promoted at work, we picked up house projects. During this time, and I can only speak for myself because I don't believe the same to be true for my hubby, faith wasn't necessarily the center of my focus. Still went to church, helped with youth group, and yes certainly still believed. But, I felt like finally I had taken my life back into my own hands and was in control again, YAY. Ha, but again I was wrong.
Then, right around Christmas I realized that as I took control I didn't feel the need to rely on God, let alone my husband, family or friends. I didn't like it as much as I thought. We (myself, Michael, God) had really gotten such a close relationship through our struggles, and I didn't like that it was slipping. So, I started praying again. I switched my prayers from "Please Lord, get me a baby" to "If I'm not supposed to be a mom, please fill this void in my heart"
Anyway, Friday January 17th I felt awful. Woke up and threw up several times. Michael came home and assumed I was sick, again! Happens a lot to me. Anyway, I wanted to go to the doctor because I was convinced I had the stomach flu. I was all ready to get drugged up and sleep the day away. Then for whatever random reason I checked to see if we had any pregnancy tests left (that weren't expired). Yep, just one. Used it, and before giving in the 2 min wait yelled to Michael, "Go figure, no baby." Went to throw it away and glanced down one more time and couldn't believe there were TWO pink lines. The rest is kind of blur to me. I remember standing in the bathroom crying telling Michael that I'm pregnant, and he saying "no, not possible, remember?" So we called the dr and her knowing our history got us in right away. The best part to me is she walks in the room and says, "Well congratulations!" and Michael's response was, "For what?" Haha he was still in shock.
Since then we've had a few minor complications, but I was cleared from being high risk. I am super sick most days but it'll be worth it in the end. We are 15 weeks pregnant with a... Little GIRL! So excited, so blessed, and still so shocked.
There's a lot more that happened during those few months but the main point for us is this: miracles happen. This didn't happen because we were relaxed, we found other things to stress about. This didn't happen because of anything we did or didn't too. Simply put, she is our miracle baby. And, we couldn't be more thrilled.