Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Eggshells...


"But for that very reason I received mercy, so that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display the utmost patience, making me an example to those who would come to believe in him for eternal life" (I Timothy 1:16).

On Sunday during church, I have no idea way, but during the Epistle Lesson this verse just stuck out to me.  It wasn't even what the sermon was about, but the last few days I have not been able to get this verse out of my mind.

I'm ready to do away with the walking on eggshells.  Not so much for myself, but everyone around me.  Yes, I still have rough days, but I am healing and happy again.  Last night I was running errands with my mom and I told her how before we were matched there was this excitement of what's coming.  We had no idea when we would find a birthmom, but everyone around us was just thrilled with us.  We were always picking up little baby things, day dreaming about life with a child, etc.  Since our placement has fallen through all of that wonder, hopefulness and daydreaming has been replaced with fear, sadness and especially eggshells.  I told my mom how Michael and I are trying to go back to that innocence.  In every possible way, that is where we are.  We don't know what's to come, we don't know when we'll have a baby, but I want that hope and excitement again.  Too my surprised, my mom said, "I'm so relieved!  I see baby stuff all the time I want to pick up but I didn't know if it would be too hard on you or make you sad."  Eggshells.  Well, just as I told my mom last night I am telling everyone now: We are OK!  As I said, some days are a struggle but most of the time we are trying to daydream about our future and pray with hopeful (rather than sad) hearts.  God is good and good things ARE coming our way. 

"Jesus Christ might display the utmost patience, making me an example..."  I could be totally off here, but I left church a little disgruntled with God over making this verse stand out to me.  At one point I remember looking up at the sky and saying, "I don't want to be an example...especially not of patience..."  But, I do.  I do not mean to toot my own horn here, in fact as I write this I am becoming more and more uncomfortable.  I just have found a little teeny tiny piece of understanding in that I have had more people talk to me the last 11 months about my faith than ever before in my life.  This adoption journey, the ups and downs and in-betweens, has given me a platform to share God's grace, love and yes patience, in my life.

How in the world can I be doing OK? Yes, I have had someone ask that...and here is why:

I have been blessed.  Michael and I have amazing parents, grandparents, extended family, some of whom are like a second set of parents, (Yes G & G Spiva I mean you! :) ).  We have siblings that are some of our best friends, adorable nephews, a Godson who we adore, good jobs where we are surrounded with people who care not just about the work, but us, the greatest friends ever, sweet pups...the list goes on and on...


So, that is why I am OK.  God has blessed us in so many other areas in our life, and we need to be doing a better job at thanking Him for that while we prayer for a child.

 I will try to continue to be honest and heartfelt in all I say, if you promise to stop walking on eggshells...

4 comments:

  1. I promise!!!! Thank you for your words last night and in this blog!! We love you so much and are excited for what is to come!!!! Mom

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  2. Wow girl... You are so wise. God will provide the perfect child at the perfect time. He has a plan and he will show you it as time rolls along. I know the "clichés" get old.. I have been there! But it is true. Keep your head up and your heart open, it will happen. Please call us anytime for anything. We are hoping and praying for you all the time.
    Love,
    Tonya, Paul and Landry

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  3. Nice saying by Helen Keller. Yes, we are all truly blessed, aren't we? Who knows what blessing will hit us next?

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  4. Thanks for all the kind word and support!!

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