Thursday, September 12, 2013

Due Date Downer

So, tomorrow was supposed to be our due date.  It's crazy, I know for sure she is already born, we knew she was going to come early.  But, even with that in mind, just thinking of tomorrow makes me cringe. 

I really believed that by now, I would be a mom.  I saw myself exhausted after MJ's 48 hour shift, or feeling bad the pups weren't getting as much loving...I really had thought of it all.  All day with all this flooding going on I was thinking about how no matter how bad the roads were, I would have thought we'd be racing to the hospital. 

It is all bittersweet for me.  I know most everyone can understand the bitter, but the sweet?  Well, I desperately want this chapter in our life to be over.  I want to go back to my innocent excitement, before we were even matched.  My fear of the unknown but overwhelming trust in God that good things are coming our way.  So, to me, after tomorrow it is over.  It will truly be time to accept it and move on. 

Even as I sort through my emotions, I know that God is there.  I am hesitant to share these struggles because the last few weeks Michael and I have kept most of these moments private between us and God.  Which, ultimately, is right where it needed to be.  But, with that I also know that there are others in my shoes who I have never met, that follow this blog because they are close to where I am, maybe a few steps ahead or a few behind but nevertheless, this isn't uncharted territory to them. 

Regardless, God is good and He is where we should seek comfort.  He can heal me, us, and that is truly the only answer on tough nights.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

1 comment:

  1. I've been thinking of you and wondering when the due date was. I thought it was getting close. I knew this would be a painful day for you. You are doing such hard work to go through the grieving. But, you will make it! I'm certain that God is right there for you, helping you through. He'll never leave you nor forsake you. Keep trusting and you will get through this tunnel of grief. Healing will come. Just remember to be patient with the process.