Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

Someday, when you are old enough, I hope you read this.  I hope when you do it surrounds you with the deepest possible kind of love because you will know that your daddy and I literally went to the ends of the earth to get you. 

You are the most wanted little one.  I have no idea when you will get here, but your daddy has had your room ready for 3 months now.  We have been trying to have you for 3 1/2 years at this point, and there isn't really an end in sight yet.  Although those years have been filled with many happy and loving memories, they also have been tough not having you yet.  I do not understand why we must wait, wait, wait.  I do not get why we must go through such heart ache to bring you into our family.  There is a lot I don't understand about why it is such a challenge for me to become your mommy.  But, God is good even when bad things are happening.  Maybe that's why we struggle, so you can learn that even when we don't understand, God does.  I want you to know that despite what other's believe you can feel and be upset with the world, with God, with situations when things that seem like they would be perfect for your life- aren't happening.  God loves you and I love you and understand. 

I want you to know that your daddy has a strength most other men don't, and it's not because he's a fireman :) He has learned how to comfort me while we wait for you.  He has taught himself to be strong for me even when his heart is aching for you.  He is a real hero, but you probably will know that by the time you can read this.  I want you to know that your daddy and I are so in love with each other, and a big part of that is because of you.

I just never want there to ever be a doubt in your mind about how much we love you or how long we have been trying for you.  The day I first hold you in my arms will be the greatest day of my life. 

When you are learning how to ride a bike, leave for your first sleep over, want to go on your first date, be patient with me.  I have yearned to hold you in my arms for so many nights that it will be hard for me when you are wanting to go.

Just no matter what, know that from the deepest parts of my soul, you have made your dad and I whole.  You are our dream come true.  Even when you're crying and waking me up at all hours, the first time you're in time out or when you grow up and are mad and we're fighting I will think back to these lonely nights and smile, because happy or mad, we will have you.

Just know, little one, that you are loved.

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