Thursday, May 16, 2013

Sensitivity 101

My darling husband pointed out to me that I can’t get frustrated with people, when I have never voiced what frustrates me. 

I LOVE TALKING ABOUT ADOPTION.  Let that be clear.  I am still in shock over something so amazing happening to me.  I can’t believe it.  I am over the moon in love with my baby.  I am excited.  I am proud.  I am a mom. Now, with that being said-there is a line of where my comfort ends. 

First, there is a time and a place.  Yes, I am an open person.  Hello, I have a blog.  Yes, there are parts of this process that are between me, Mike & Jesus.  Sometimes- that is enough.  Be okay when I respond vaguely. 

Here are the biggies I get, so I figured I should sum it all up:

I love our birthmom.  She is not giving her baby away, she is choosing adoption.  We are so lucky that she lives close to us.  We met her through a mutual friend.  She is amazing, and she is making an unbelievable selfless sacrifice.  She loves this baby with her whole heart and soul.  We are about the same age.  She talks to me quite frequently, lets us come to doctors’ visits (ULTRA SOUND NEXT WEEK!! WHOOP WHOOP!), takes excellent care of herself and our baby.  She. Is. Amazing.  Beyond that, there isn’t a whole lot I want to share.   If friends or family are asking out of love about her, I may answer more.  But, I may not.  Don’t take it personally. 

Yes, this is an open adoption.  No, we are not co-parenting.  We want our child to grow up knowing the truth.  We want them to be proud to be adopted.  We want them to love, admire and respect her the same we do.  She is giving us a family.  She is making me a mom.  She is doing the one thing that I cannot do myself.  Again, She. Is. Amazing.

Yes, we attempted to have biological kids.  No, adoption is not a second best.  I always wanted to adopt my whole life! I simply thought it was out of reach.  God has shown me otherwise.  Yes, my husband is onboard.  (I have been asked that several times-I think it’s a little weird.)  In fact, he wanted to adopt from the get-go.  He had no interest in pursuing infertility treatments, but he did it for me.  He found the agency.  This is a 50-50-100 type deal. 50% me – 50% him-- 100% God. Yes, my math is off but it makes sense to me.

Ah infertility…that is a thing of our past.  I am so BLESSED to be right where I am.  I am so happy that things have worked out this way.  I have experienced a love, devotion and commitment with my husband through this process that I would have never been able to otherwise.  I have connected with my family through our joys and sorrows in a way that would have not happened.  My faith has grown by leaps and bounds.  I have never felt God’s presence in my life as I do today, right now, always.  God has made this possible.  What a miracle.  Literally.  This has given me the platform to speak of my faith because, like me, people just can’t believe how wonderfully this is going and how it’s falling into place so perfectly.  The only explanation is: God….anyway back to that dreaded infertility word.  Yes, it is a thing of my past.  But, a very painful thing.  While I understand it led me to the biggest most beautiful blessing ever, it was hard.  Honestly, that time in our lives sucked. I prefer not to reminisce.  I like to share stories and offer support to my loved ones who struggle with it themselves.  I don’t like to talk about it with others.  I do not like to be reminded of it.  I suffered, I recovered, I found closure and I moved on.  Still, no need to remind me.  I am not lucky because I don’t have to go through a pregnancy, I am lucky to adopt though.  (Plus-the stories I’ve read of people who both adopted and had biological children-said adopting is not easier…) Please don’t say I am lucky because I am not pregnant. However, please remind me (psh like I am going to ever forget…) how lucky I am to adopt. 

Oh-here is my final big one.  Let it be known I am going to be blunt with you.  No sugar-coating here.  I realize that while this is an official match (as in Michael, myself and our birthmom) all made a commitment through the agency that this is what is going to happen, does not rule out all the what-ifs.  Well, it does for us. We are excited.  We are going to have a family.  Our baby is due in September.  Save the skepticism or what-ifs for someone else.  When I have those moments I go to Jesus and my hubby.  I do not dwell, because I believe full heartedly that this is happening.  She says it is.  The agency says it is.  We say it is.  I understand others may have their doubts-but there is no need to share them with us.  We don’t ask our pregnant friends what-ifs about their pregnancy, please don’t ask them about ours.  Ok-I’m done being mean!

In other news:
Currently: Our baby bottle fundraiser has now raised $647.60!!! That does not include the checks the that came with or any other fundraisers.  Just the baby bottle one! That is SO huge! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! They come from so many different people, and sometimes I do not always know who, so if you've given a bottle just know how much we appreciate you and your generosity!!

I'm sure they'll be more and more updates to share in the coming weeks.  In 4 short months or so our baby will be here!

Love,
Sara

5 comments:

  1. well said!!! thanks for being willing to share your most personal thoughts!!!

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  2. I have loved watching u and Mike through this process! Not only has it showm ur love for one another but also your love for God :) You my friend have shown us and others what it truly means to trust in God! Love u girl...you inspire me and give me hope!

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    1. Thank is SO nice!! Thanks for all you do for me! <3 you!

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  3. Yes, very well said! I think every adoptive mom can whole-heartedly agree with you about these things you've written. Although, I have to admit I am thankful that I had the chance to skip the negative aspects of pregnancy. It's amazing all of the strange questions and comment you get when you choose to adopt. But, most of the time I think it's truly just because people are curious and unfamiliar with adoption. So, most of the time I'm happy to give answers. But, then there are times when the Mama Bear instinct kicks in and I just want to protect my baby and growl at the intruder. The one that really got to me was when someone asked if I can have any real kids. I replied that my daughter seems very real to me, and that if she was referring to biological children, that it wasn't an option.

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    1. Love it Chandra! Thanks for the wisdom and support :) I agree, most of the time I am happy to answer questions, I LOVE sharing our story. But-even though I don't have our baby yet the mama bear came out ;)
      -Sara
      (Not sure why it isn't letting me log in!)

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