Monday, May 20, 2013

Oh, Tomorrow

 
I cannot wait for tomorrow.  It will be the first day we see our baby.  I can't wait to hear her/his heartbeat.  I am hopeful we will find out the gender, but right now I don't really care if we find out.  I just can't believe I get to see my baby!

A year ago, I was wanting days to pass by simply because I wanted to get out of the hard times.  Last week, I wanted days to pass by so I could hurry up and get to tomorrow.  Tonight-I want time to stand still.  As eager as I am to see my baby, I love excitement.  I love anticipation.  I am so content to just sit here and daydream about our baby: Tomorrow it all becomes a reality. 

I am so excited to get a glimpse of our baby.  I am so interested, as I'm sure most expecting parents are, to get some idea of what they look like.  I love day dreaming ahead a couple of years-and I love that I have no idea what they will look like.  Obviously not Michael or I.  I bet they will be more beautiful than anything Mike or I could have created anyway! Although...my husband is ridiculously handsome :)

I was reading our 'Wishes for Baby" book that my sister in law made for us at my baby shower.  I love it so much!! I love that so many people are dreaming for this baby, just like we are.  It got me thinking of my own wishes for the baby too...

If tomorrow we find out we will have a daughter, I hope she has my spunk.  Yes, that comes with a little stubbornness, but I hope she is a spunky one!  I hope she cares as much about other people as my mom does....even if that means she cries as much as she does!  My mom cares (and yes worries) so much for my big bro and I.  I want my baby girl to know she is my world just like we were (and still are) my moms.  I hope she loves her family the way my mother in law does.  No matter how much time we spend together, she always wants more.  Seems like a good problem to have :) I hope our baby grows up to be like that too.  I don't care that she won't look like me.  I just hope she takes it easy on her daddy, since she would have him wrapped around her little finger.

Saw a cute little quote (Pinterest of course...) 'I don't have my daddy's eyes, I have his heart.'
If tomorrow we find out we will have a son, I hope he grows up to be just like his daddy.  Seriously. JUST LIKE HIS DADDY.  I hope he loves others the way his daddy does. And I hope he has his daddy's unwavering faith too.  I hope he has my dad's work ethic, and put his whole heart into everything just the way his Papa does.  I was just talking with my husband-and I wanted to know his wishes for the baby.  He if it is a boy he hopes he has the kindness and respect for people, like his Grandpa does.  Michael's dad is one the kindest people I've ever met, so I hope our baby boy learns that from his Grandpa too :)  Oh-and I hope he has compassion just like our Godson.  He sees the best in everything, and I hope our baby learns that from him.

That's all I have for now. 

This is a short one, because even though I have so much on my mind, I don't really have much to say.  I am just overwhelmed with excitement!


Thursday, May 16, 2013

Sensitivity 101

My darling husband pointed out to me that I can’t get frustrated with people, when I have never voiced what frustrates me. 

I LOVE TALKING ABOUT ADOPTION.  Let that be clear.  I am still in shock over something so amazing happening to me.  I can’t believe it.  I am over the moon in love with my baby.  I am excited.  I am proud.  I am a mom. Now, with that being said-there is a line of where my comfort ends. 

First, there is a time and a place.  Yes, I am an open person.  Hello, I have a blog.  Yes, there are parts of this process that are between me, Mike & Jesus.  Sometimes- that is enough.  Be okay when I respond vaguely. 

Here are the biggies I get, so I figured I should sum it all up:

I love our birthmom.  She is not giving her baby away, she is choosing adoption.  We are so lucky that she lives close to us.  We met her through a mutual friend.  She is amazing, and she is making an unbelievable selfless sacrifice.  She loves this baby with her whole heart and soul.  We are about the same age.  She talks to me quite frequently, lets us come to doctors’ visits (ULTRA SOUND NEXT WEEK!! WHOOP WHOOP!), takes excellent care of herself and our baby.  She. Is. Amazing.  Beyond that, there isn’t a whole lot I want to share.   If friends or family are asking out of love about her, I may answer more.  But, I may not.  Don’t take it personally. 

Yes, this is an open adoption.  No, we are not co-parenting.  We want our child to grow up knowing the truth.  We want them to be proud to be adopted.  We want them to love, admire and respect her the same we do.  She is giving us a family.  She is making me a mom.  She is doing the one thing that I cannot do myself.  Again, She. Is. Amazing.

Yes, we attempted to have biological kids.  No, adoption is not a second best.  I always wanted to adopt my whole life! I simply thought it was out of reach.  God has shown me otherwise.  Yes, my husband is onboard.  (I have been asked that several times-I think it’s a little weird.)  In fact, he wanted to adopt from the get-go.  He had no interest in pursuing infertility treatments, but he did it for me.  He found the agency.  This is a 50-50-100 type deal. 50% me – 50% him-- 100% God. Yes, my math is off but it makes sense to me.

Ah infertility…that is a thing of our past.  I am so BLESSED to be right where I am.  I am so happy that things have worked out this way.  I have experienced a love, devotion and commitment with my husband through this process that I would have never been able to otherwise.  I have connected with my family through our joys and sorrows in a way that would have not happened.  My faith has grown by leaps and bounds.  I have never felt God’s presence in my life as I do today, right now, always.  God has made this possible.  What a miracle.  Literally.  This has given me the platform to speak of my faith because, like me, people just can’t believe how wonderfully this is going and how it’s falling into place so perfectly.  The only explanation is: God….anyway back to that dreaded infertility word.  Yes, it is a thing of my past.  But, a very painful thing.  While I understand it led me to the biggest most beautiful blessing ever, it was hard.  Honestly, that time in our lives sucked. I prefer not to reminisce.  I like to share stories and offer support to my loved ones who struggle with it themselves.  I don’t like to talk about it with others.  I do not like to be reminded of it.  I suffered, I recovered, I found closure and I moved on.  Still, no need to remind me.  I am not lucky because I don’t have to go through a pregnancy, I am lucky to adopt though.  (Plus-the stories I’ve read of people who both adopted and had biological children-said adopting is not easier…) Please don’t say I am lucky because I am not pregnant. However, please remind me (psh like I am going to ever forget…) how lucky I am to adopt. 

Oh-here is my final big one.  Let it be known I am going to be blunt with you.  No sugar-coating here.  I realize that while this is an official match (as in Michael, myself and our birthmom) all made a commitment through the agency that this is what is going to happen, does not rule out all the what-ifs.  Well, it does for us. We are excited.  We are going to have a family.  Our baby is due in September.  Save the skepticism or what-ifs for someone else.  When I have those moments I go to Jesus and my hubby.  I do not dwell, because I believe full heartedly that this is happening.  She says it is.  The agency says it is.  We say it is.  I understand others may have their doubts-but there is no need to share them with us.  We don’t ask our pregnant friends what-ifs about their pregnancy, please don’t ask them about ours.  Ok-I’m done being mean!

In other news:
Currently: Our baby bottle fundraiser has now raised $647.60!!! That does not include the checks the that came with or any other fundraisers.  Just the baby bottle one! That is SO huge! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! They come from so many different people, and sometimes I do not always know who, so if you've given a bottle just know how much we appreciate you and your generosity!!

I'm sure they'll be more and more updates to share in the coming weeks.  In 4 short months or so our baby will be here!

Love,
Sara

Saturday, May 11, 2013

BIG NEWS!

We can't hardly believe we are saying this, in fact as we told our parents, family and friends it still didn't seem real to us...

WE ARE OFFICIALLY MATCHED!




Our baby will be born in September, and we will get to take s/he home from the hospital!! We were so blessed to have met our birthmom through a friend at church.  Our birthmom, 'A' is just amazing.  If we were to meet under any circumstances, we would be friends.  I can't even put into words how highly I think of her and how much I appreciate this HUGE sacrifice she is making.  When this all starts to set in a little more I hope I am able to fully express my love for her.

We meet 'A' a couple of weeks ago.  Right from the beginning, things just clicked.  She then met with our agency a couple of times, her and I talked, and she decided she is ready to move forward with us. I still am in shock.

As things set in, we will explain more.  But for now, we are just overjoyed and are celebrating!! I LOVED seeing peoples reactions.  That has meant so much to us.

So, today (with my family) and tomorrow-I get to celebrate my first Mother's Day.  In 4 short months, I will be a mom!!

We need to again, say thank you.  I have said it before, I will say it again, and our baby will grow up knowing: God is so in control.  I have never felt so led by Him, like this, before.  This is such an amazing feeling to literally see, plain as day, God's hand at work in my life.  It is simply beyond words. 

Thanks for celebrating with us!!!

Love,
MOM AND DAD!!